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.. When you killed the man with the machine gun, I wasn't afraid. I wasn't even repulsed. As ashamed as I am of my reaction, when you made him stop shooting at us and killed him, I was glad..."Those words wounded me. For a long time I'd wondered about my ability to kill, not to mention my willingness to inflict horrible pain to get the names of those who did those things to me.When Teri confronted me with her response to me killing those men, I felt equal parts ashamed of myself for feeling proud of my success, and proud of my success. If I hadn't shot them, they would have killed us. There wasn't an alternative ending for the story. It was kill or be killed, and I have no intention of making it easy on those rat bastards.Finally able to respond, I said, "I'm not proud of what I did, except that I did it to protect you three. They meant to kill us all, and I wasn't about to let them, and I am so sorry you had to go through this, and even sorrier that you saw me take that helicopter. Most years I went lessthan five times but each time was usually fraught with nerves, with everyvisit my confidence grew until on my last visit I found a man who Igenuinely feel at ease with. I don't know what it was about this guy but Ijust wanted him inside me, quite frankly I would have no problem in a fullgay relationship with him. Lovely though he is, today he couldn't make itand I set off in my car in a bit of a sulk feeling I'd better make the mostof it as I had booked the day off work. Usually the 20 mile drive is amixture of confused feelings but today I felt more relaxed and began tolook forward to enjoying some older guy fun.The Sauna is renowned for the older crowd most of them over 50 years withsome in their 70s which is why I picked it. The central Manchester saunasare full of younger crowd and located in the city's Gay Village and I findit all a little pretentious. My last experience there ended with me beingpainfully fucked by a dark skinned European youth who was by.
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